A year in review 2010 - Move to India

After a worse 2009, I was anticipating the 2010 was going to be equally difficult. The thoughts of permanently moving back to India is crossing my mind more than ever. But working there for the next 2o years was scaring me off. I started floating the idea in February to my father who vehemently opposed to that idea. He was of the impression that I should focus on my family and rising the kids in a good environment and not worry about them. Despite what he said, my wife and I felt that moving is just the right thing to do, even if it means temporarily. Moving would give us the flexibility of try to take my mother to different hospitals and trying any alternative medicines like Sidha and Ayurveda, which my father was not able to do on his own, given his medical condition.

January & February 2010

We started exploring the options of moving back to India. I went around asking for quotes for shipping things. It was not too bad, around 5K for moving the whole house. We were researching on areas to live in Bangalore. At times, the question was is Bangalore the right place to move. But I was convinced it was since it will allow me to keep my job and probably doing the same work for the same group but working remotely.

March 2010

Once we decided that we will try moving to India we started narrowing down schools. During my one week trip to Bangalore in July 2009, I had visited a couple of schools - Vibgyor and Greenwood High. I had liked Greenwood a little better than Vibgyor. That experience came handy and we approached both schools and decided on Greenwood High rather quickly. The fees seem like a little higher but given a lot of positive feedback on the net, we zeroed in. The admission process was rather smooth. We paid the admission fees to both children (one in 7th grade and the other in 3rd grade) and secured the seats. We also booked our one way tickets for May 18th. There was a lot of planning going on regarding renting the house and moving the things. After getting a few quotes to ship the household items, we also wanted to explore the option of storing the things in a storage facility along with the cars. While there was mixed opinions from people about storing things for a long time, we started visiting the storage facilities and getting an idea of what it takes.

In the mean time, I talked to my managers and got an OK to work from there for a period of 6 to 9 months. We thought this will give us time to test waters and we could eventually come back if we dont like.

April 2010

The preparations are in full swing now. We visited Chicago to catch up with a couple of friends before moving. We decided on the storage facility as we had to store the cars anyway. We took three units two for the cars and a temperature controlled unit for furniture and electronics. We started telling our friends that we are moving for a year - temporarily. We were not sure ourselves how things would work. My wife staying at home helped a whole lot, as she was taking care of preparations of packing, sorting out things to be thrown away and stored. We slowly started putting things in the box, disassembling furnitures etc. We listed our home for rent with a property management company.

May 2010

Got the keys to our storage. We completed packing and waiting for the EOGs to end. We booked a service apartment close to my workplace for 5 days. We also identified a broker who would help us find a home within a few days. We identified the areas where we want to live that is closer to school and work. Thanks to Google maps and internet, the world has shrunk!

A lot of things that we did not want to store were put up for sale. Things went by pretty fast, except for a Big Sony tube TV, which we finally donated to charity. People were coming by to look at the house for rent. The EOGs got over for my daughter. We moved all our things on 17th and stayed with a friend for the night. We left to India on May 18th.

In those final weeks, there were times that I would stay up and think if I am doing the right thing for my wife & kids, but there was never a clear answer. My brain and heart would fight for endless hours with neither winning. All my life, I had clear convictions of right and wrong, and would never waver once I make a decision. There is no right and wrong in this case and I realize that I have responsibilities as a son, father and husband. But I dont know which responsibilities that I have to discharge with a higher priority.

We reached Bangalore after a long trip. It just felt like another vacation trip to India. My cousin's son received us in the airport, we had never landed in Bangalore. The process was fast, luggage came quickly. And off we went to our service apartment. It was not great, but ok for a few days stay. After a quick shower, we decided to head out and search for apartments. Co-ordinated with the broker and took an auto to go around and see the Sobha cluster and surrounding apartments. I think it was a big mistake to take an auto we must have hired a taxi. It was hot and humid, we were tired. None of the houses shown were impressive, we returned home in the evening exhausted. We decided to continue looking next day.

We hired a taxi this time and it was a decent day. We say a few more apartments. We liked one we saw in SJR verity which would be furnished. We were leaning towards it, then he showed us a couple of apartments in a brand new complex called Divyashree Elan. We liked both of the apartments and decided to close in on one. We talked to the owners and started negotiating. The next day we went to friends house as it was a saturday. Left the kids there and went to look for more homes just in case we like something better. Eventually, we decided on Elan - which we realized multiple times later that was the best decision we made. We moved all our things from the service apartment to my friends and visited the school with the kids. We left for Erode (my home town), the same day. Spent a few days there with mom & dad. She was looking bad, weak, confused and depressed.

June 2010

We came back to Bangalore to get the keys. Moved our things and started buying household goods. My wife's sister came to help us. It took us less than a week to settle down. We bought furniture (couch, dining table, wooden cots) and beds. We bought the refrigerator, washing machine and a stove with a gas cylinder. We had to pay a premium for the cylinder but it was well worth it, we got the cylinder the next day. Life has started to revolve. We had to make a few more trips to the school to collect books, uniforms etc. We realized that there were a bunch of kids from the apartment complex going to the same school, which was a big relief.

July 2010 - Dec 2010

Life has become routine. There would be days when my daughter will be sad and on the verge of crying. She was slowly getting adjusted. My son was ok. The biggest win was neither of them refused to go to school. With minor illness here and there, we were adjusting fairly well. Enjoying the bangalore weather, bi-weekly or tri-weekly trips to Erode in the morning train trips, things were going ok. Not having a car was definitely a big drawback but the traffic scared me from driving. We had a Total Mall just across the road which helped our life immensely without a car. We would just hang around in the evenings, eat dinner in the weekends and just watch the young and dynamic crowd of Bangalore. The first couple of months we visited many malls in Bangalore - pretty much that is the only entertainment in Bangalore.

In the mean time, my wife has started to look for a job after a 4 1/2 years of lay over. It was difficult because she had 10+ years of experience and hence the expectations were very high. The employers had a hard time digesting the fact that some one can be an individual contributor even after so many years of experience. She had attended a few interviews in the mean time.

We decided to take the kids somewhere for christmas vacation. We ourselves have not seen Taj, so we decided to go to Delhi/Agra/Jaipur and made planning and preparations. It was overall a good trip, with minor inconveniences. Despite our language barriers it was not that difficult. We hired a taxi to go Agra and Jaipur and back to Delhi. We explored Delhi on our own. There was no wonder people fell in love with Taj, it was beyond any words would do justice. One would have to make a personal visit - no matter how many photographs and videos one might have seen.

During this trip, my wife was called and offered a job that she had attended an interview for many months ago.

Overall, 2010 was a mix bag of feelings. Joy & sorrow, achievements & disappointments, embracing new and leaving the old! Life goes on.

A year in review - 2009

January 1 2009 dawned just like another year. I did not have any clue on how this year would be transforming my life. The thought of returning to India has been crossing my mind for a few years now since the children were growing up. I was seriously considering moving back this year as my daughter would complete 5th grade and would be a logical end to the school system in US. After much thoughts and deliberations I put off the plans. (n+1 syndrome!). So we decided to atleast visit the family in India. We planned happily for a India trip as always with a stop over in Brussels and France. We left during the first week of June. We enjoyed our Europe stop over and Eiffel tower experience. We liked Brussels more than Paris because of the welcoming people and for the slow pace of life. After that we reached India, visited a few places like Kodaikanal. Spent a week in Bangalore office working. Finally our vacation was over and it was time to get back to work. We started on July 26th to travel back home.

Life has changed for worse on that day of August 26th 2009. I made an emergency trip to India when my parents got into accident and both were hospitalized. My dad semi-conscicously and my mom unconsciously. Doctors did not give much hope and I was under intense pressure to make a decision to move them to a nearby city for better hospital care. So I did. I moved them both to Coimbatore. My dad recovered well and not much improvement from my mom. She remained unconscious for over 15 days. Those probably were the worst days of my life. I was exposed to the harsh reality of how medical care can be in India. After living in US for 15 years, I came to rude awakening of the lack of respect for human life. I would wait in the ICU for hours in the morning and in the evening to wait for the doctor. There is no set time when he will visit and he would spend 30 secs (sometimes not even that) to say that she is alright. I never understood what it means but she was not responding.

I was under constant pressure from work as I had to leave my project midway and the project was falling apart since my departure. I wanted to get back to work to save my face. But the situation was no where close to allowing that to happen. After a frustrating 20 day ordeal in Coimbatore I decided to move them to Erode. My father can stay at home and I can go back and forth and I would have some support system in terms of friends and family. My mom was consicious now but she would not remember people, places, things etc. I hired a home nurse to stay with her, as her left side was completely paralyzed and she needed constant help in feeding, cleaning etc.

I was a little relieved after moving back to Erode and my father was recovered to some extent - but still struggling to walk. I started to work some from the hospital and home with the help of mobile wireless from Reliance. The doctor was suggesting to keep my mother in the hospital for a few more weeks. I decided to leave for US after some encouragement from a cousin and my father. I left on Sept 26th. I was completely overwhelmed by the happenings of the last one month. I was hoping that things would return to normal but did not realize at that time that it may never be the same old.

I would call home everyday twice and talk to my cousin. Finally, after a few more weeks just before Diwali my mother was sent home. The home nurse was there to help her. A physical therapist was sent by the doctor for rehabilitation. Everything looked perfect and all is needed is just executing the plan. But that is where every thing falls apart in India. No one takes their work seriously enough or consider how their involvement or lack thereof would affect the lives of others. The physical therapist never shows up on time and never did a good job in the early days (so we were told later). The nurses change once in a couple of weeks - some complain about the food, place and everything else and find a reason to bail. The reasons that they come out to get out of the place frustrates one and some times make you angry. My dad's main task was to manage them but in his age, he could hardly come to terms with any of them. Five nurses changed in a matter of 2 months and every time there is a change my mother would become very unrested.

I made another trip in November to see my mother and spent 3 weeks and went back. One thing I realized was this is going to be a long process for my mother to be back to normal and it is possible that she may never be the same. The thought was scary.